o Plan care for “the big kids”
• Arrange for a friend or relative to come to your house
• Or, the kids may go somewhere for a “special” overnight
• Let your childcare provider or your child’s teacher know if a new person may appear to pick up your child
o Talk to your child about your plans.
• Tell a story: “One day, Melody was at school. And who came to meet her at the van? It was Aunt Laura! Not Mom! Mommy went to the hospital so our new baby could come out.”
• Play “What If” (good for 4-5 years and up): “What if you woke up one morning and Aunt Laura was there?” “What if mommy made funny noises like this – Waaa-oooo!”
o Get the kid stuff packed – including a “lovey,” special toy, pillow, clothes, pj’s. Many children love to help with packing – and it’s a great opportunity to make some decisions and have some time together. To them it feels like let’s pretend!
o If the caregiver is coming to your house you can:
• Make a box with favorite foods – whether it’s Kraft Mac & Cheese or a new jar of organic peanut butter, don’t leave this important detail to chance. Put a couple of frozen juices in the back of the freezer. Put $10 emergency money in an envelope in the box – did anyone ever go into labor with plenty of bread and milk at home??
• Make a list with important info (“Joey needs his blanket for his nap”), phone numbers, where the breaker box is, who your pediatrician is.
o Discuss your plans about visits to the hospital. Some children come while mom is in labor – some never visit at all. They are welcome 24 hours a day – but think about what will be best for your older child. An active boy may want to spend a lot of time looking at toilet plumbing. Is that the best use of everybody’s energy?
o Pack your bag for the hospital. Consider including a new toy or book for the older child – or a gift they can have when you leave the house.
o Plan how YOU will get to the hospital.
o Get your infant carseat ready to go – you can have it checked at Rescue or the Brattleboro Police Department on the Vermont side of the river, or at the Keene Police Department if you’re in New Hampshire.
o Pat yourself on the back for a job well done!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Cherry-picking stats: Bad form and not useful
Amy Romano of Lamaze International is doing a wonderful job blogging about Science and Sensibility. (Can you tell - it's that Jane Austen flavor....) Check out this great essay about the importance of professional integrity when we're talking about studies and statistics!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
To be a mother is to be...guilty??!
To be a mother is to be….guilty?
Belinda Whipple Worth, a therapist from the Anna Marsh Clinic at the Brattleboro Retreat, recently joined us at New Moms Network at BMH. We had an interesting time talking about the guilt that comes with being a new mother – and we were all relieved that we could laugh at ourselves and with each other about our changes and challenges. Do you recognize yourself here? We are not being judgmental, just telling you how we have grown and changed, and where we need to do more growing and changing.
To work or not to work
“I feel guilty that I need to go back to work and leave my baby. Then I feel guilty about feeling guilty that I need to go back to work. I want to go back, and I want to stay home.”
Control Freak
“At first I just knew my husband did everything wrong. Now I realize I was being a total control freak. So I feel guilty that I was so awful, but if he does it wrong – not my way, that is – I feel upset.”
Too tired to exercise
“I just don’t care about getting out and exercising. I know I should, but --! Actually, I got too tired at the end of my pregnancy. And you know what – I don’t even care that I don’t care! And I feel guilty about that.”
Can’t stop the crying
“I feel guilty when I can’t get her to stop crying. Why don’t I know everything?”
I’ll never do that
“I swore I would never use a swing, and then I used one because my baby was so fussy. And then I clonked her head on the swing when I took her out! Then I felt really guilty because I was such a bad mother!”
At that point another mom chimed in – “Yeah, and how about the carseats!” leading to –
The carseat
“I took my baby out of the carseat while my husband was driving because she was crying and she wouldn’t be quiet.”
The agenda
“Sometimes I have my own agenda. If we need to get out of the house, it just works better if I get dressed, he gets dressed, then we nurse, get in the carseat and go. And he’s crying because he wants to eat while I’m getting dressed!”
Neglect 1
“I feel bad when I lay her on a towel on a cold bathroom floor while I get in the shower. Doesn’t she look neglected?!”
Neglect 2
“I feel guilty because I just love to take the baby over to my mom’s. Who cares about my partner’s family? Then I feel bad because the baby should get to know them, they’re nice people. But I want to go see my mom.”
“My older daughter sure isn’t getting 100% of my time and attention anymore! She seems to be very happy and she loves the baby but I feel guilty anyway.”
Neglect 3
“Really who cares about the house.”
More grandparents
“I feel guilty that we’re so far away from our parents. They should be able to enjoy her more often! Maybe we should move back there.”
Arguments
“We used to be so happy, and we didn’t get on each other’s nerves. Now I feel like I’m irritable with him, and we blame each other for things. It’s stupid. We’re both tired and cranky.”
But there’s also an overflow of joy with a new baby in the house. How do you find balance? Sometimes it’s a question of helping to find yourself again – or maybe the new you, who’s a mother and still a vibrant, intelligent woman! Here’s a list of “Guilty Pleasures” for new mothers to consider. You don’t need to find a whole day to get away – sometimes two minutes is enough to give some undivided attention to yourself.
• Go for a run
• Scrapbook by yourself, or in a group with or without the baby
• Join a book club – it required time to read AND time to get out
• Early morning joys: grab those quiet moments, garden, read, enjoy coffee alone
• Shower – or even shower and shave!
• Go back to the gym
• Talk with friends – by phone, in person or on the computer
• Make a date with yourself – go to the store and walk around without the baby, take a walk, whatever you like
• Journal
• Get a massage
Life is immeasurably enriched with a new baby in your life. Help yourself enjoy that richness – and get a hug when you need it. As Dr. Jeanne Watson Driscoll (a wonderful nurse PhD) says – “Don’t should on yourself!” There’s plenty of guilt to go around. Let it live somewhere else while you are learning to love your new baby and your new life.
Belinda Whipple Worth, a therapist from the Anna Marsh Clinic at the Brattleboro Retreat, recently joined us at New Moms Network at BMH. We had an interesting time talking about the guilt that comes with being a new mother – and we were all relieved that we could laugh at ourselves and with each other about our changes and challenges. Do you recognize yourself here? We are not being judgmental, just telling you how we have grown and changed, and where we need to do more growing and changing.
To work or not to work
“I feel guilty that I need to go back to work and leave my baby. Then I feel guilty about feeling guilty that I need to go back to work. I want to go back, and I want to stay home.”
Control Freak
“At first I just knew my husband did everything wrong. Now I realize I was being a total control freak. So I feel guilty that I was so awful, but if he does it wrong – not my way, that is – I feel upset.”
Too tired to exercise
“I just don’t care about getting out and exercising. I know I should, but --! Actually, I got too tired at the end of my pregnancy. And you know what – I don’t even care that I don’t care! And I feel guilty about that.”
Can’t stop the crying
“I feel guilty when I can’t get her to stop crying. Why don’t I know everything?”
I’ll never do that
“I swore I would never use a swing, and then I used one because my baby was so fussy. And then I clonked her head on the swing when I took her out! Then I felt really guilty because I was such a bad mother!”
At that point another mom chimed in – “Yeah, and how about the carseats!” leading to –
The carseat
“I took my baby out of the carseat while my husband was driving because she was crying and she wouldn’t be quiet.”
The agenda
“Sometimes I have my own agenda. If we need to get out of the house, it just works better if I get dressed, he gets dressed, then we nurse, get in the carseat and go. And he’s crying because he wants to eat while I’m getting dressed!”
Neglect 1
“I feel bad when I lay her on a towel on a cold bathroom floor while I get in the shower. Doesn’t she look neglected?!”
Neglect 2
“I feel guilty because I just love to take the baby over to my mom’s. Who cares about my partner’s family? Then I feel bad because the baby should get to know them, they’re nice people. But I want to go see my mom.”
“My older daughter sure isn’t getting 100% of my time and attention anymore! She seems to be very happy and she loves the baby but I feel guilty anyway.”
Neglect 3
“Really who cares about the house.”
More grandparents
“I feel guilty that we’re so far away from our parents. They should be able to enjoy her more often! Maybe we should move back there.”
Arguments
“We used to be so happy, and we didn’t get on each other’s nerves. Now I feel like I’m irritable with him, and we blame each other for things. It’s stupid. We’re both tired and cranky.”
But there’s also an overflow of joy with a new baby in the house. How do you find balance? Sometimes it’s a question of helping to find yourself again – or maybe the new you, who’s a mother and still a vibrant, intelligent woman! Here’s a list of “Guilty Pleasures” for new mothers to consider. You don’t need to find a whole day to get away – sometimes two minutes is enough to give some undivided attention to yourself.
• Go for a run
• Scrapbook by yourself, or in a group with or without the baby
• Join a book club – it required time to read AND time to get out
• Early morning joys: grab those quiet moments, garden, read, enjoy coffee alone
• Shower – or even shower and shave!
• Go back to the gym
• Talk with friends – by phone, in person or on the computer
• Make a date with yourself – go to the store and walk around without the baby, take a walk, whatever you like
• Journal
• Get a massage
Life is immeasurably enriched with a new baby in your life. Help yourself enjoy that richness – and get a hug when you need it. As Dr. Jeanne Watson Driscoll (a wonderful nurse PhD) says – “Don’t should on yourself!” There’s plenty of guilt to go around. Let it live somewhere else while you are learning to love your new baby and your new life.
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